A+V=L? Has been abandoned!
Moved on to http://www.non-imitation.com
This baby is finally going to come out! I’m going to get prepared to be induced on Sunday and then on Monday I’ll be induced! Since the doctors aren’t sure about my due date, they don’t want to risk waiting too long, i guess. It is literally just around the corner. All I can do is try not to freak myself out but my emotions are all over the place, its fear mixed with excitement. I’m not looking forward to the pain and I’m definitely nervous about being in a hospital. I hope that he’ll just slide right out effortlessly or that I’ll have a short labor. I just wish I’ll be to occupied that the time will fly by. It’ll be crazy to finally have a real crying baby in my arms, I’ll be shocked more than anything.
According to my ultrasound due date.. I should be 39 lbs and oh is the time going by so slow because I’m just waiting for something to happen already! I swear I tell my boyfriend everyday… tomorrow could be the day! As if that could make it come true. I don’t want to wait any longer, the longer I wait the more afraid I’ll be. I don’t know how my brain works but that is just how it is for me. I’ll more likely come up with numerous worst case scenarios if time drags past the due date. I’ve been trying to drink lots of water to avoid false labor and going to the hospital before it’s time. When the time comes I hope I will be able to withstand as much as I can at home… I’m desperately wishing for it to be soon.
This is the only word I have known these past two days.
I don’t know whats going on but I have been feeling such an increase of pressure, like the baby is pushing down. Maybe he has dropped down … more? I know the doctor already said that he was low at the last appointment. I have a feeling this baby may arrive in a matter of weeks because it’s getting painful that I find myself tearing up. It occurs mostly when I stand for a period of time and hurts like askdfjkl;!* for a verrrrrrrrrry long time before it goes away. I hope this is normal. I have to do things at a much slower pace or else the pain will strike back and it happens unexpectedly.
The fear of labor is getting real.
It has always been inevitable but I’m afraid it’s just around the corner. I’m afraid of so many things such as well a baby sliding out of my lady part. If only he would comfortably out. My ideal birth, knock me out, have him appear. :::POOF::: It’s MAGIC! Being in a hospital stuck with needles doesn’t sound too pleasant either, being in hospitals give me anxiety and hopefully I’ll be too in the moment to care. Also the last thing I want to go through is a C-Section, I will definitely freak out and start bawling. Then there’s the pain you go through after labor for weeks…… I’m a sissy pants and this is something I can’t run away from. Another thing I am frightened of is how much my life will change once he arrives, relationships will change, roles and responsibilities as well. MY WHOLE LIFE WILL BE DIFFERENT, and I am not so good with extreme change.
I want to see Leo’s face and hold him, finally!
As much as I am afraid, I am also filled with the curiosity of how this little person inside of me looks like and how he’ll be. After waiting for so many months and realizing the time is almost near whether it is the end of this month or next month. The days seem to be going by so slow, I am just waiting for the next day to come so I might be another day closer. Of course in the back of my mind I am also scared to death, I don’t know how to feel but these two almost opposite emotions confuses me and comes out at different times, it boggles me.
This is the one word that I know I definitely feel. =]
I have been waiting for my new phone for a week now! It has not arrived in the mail which is weird because it seems I am plagued with slow shipping. It’s not a new, new, phone because it came out last year around this month but it seems pretty future proof at least for another two years or more. It will be the first actual smartphone I’ve ever own which is sad since middle school-ers have iPhones. My history of phones is pretty unexciting, I started with a old blocky nokia, to a razor, to a pink razor, to a helio ocean, borrowed my mom’s phone for a while which was a samsung flight, samsung impression, samsung flight again, razor and now I will graduate to a full fledge smartphone, the nexus s. I can’t wait to have a phone that actually charges, since my razor is quite tempermental, it charges whenever it feels like it. This is the most irritating detail about my ancient phone and I want to throw it under a bus. I got to get back to my corny show now, aka The Secret Circle. =p
back @ 11:53pm
I wonder if I’ll be able to post a blog during labor at the hospital. That would be cool right? and upload pictures at the same time… okay that may be a little much. Most likely after though from the hospital I would try to if I had time and if I’m not knocked out!! lol. OH yeah, im hurting right now and trying to ease my pain by giving my belly ample room by keeping my legs wide apart as I sit. Don’t worry I am not in labor thats probably in a few more weeks, if things go as planned. ::Fingers crossed:: I still need to get more stuff to take to the hospital. I mean … I don’t even have a robe or proper underwear, or snacks!! I better hit up the 99cent store for some cheap generic snacks. I hope I don’t poop during my delivery, random, but I’m serious! It’s embarassing and unclean. Does that mean I should try to not have a heavy meal before going to the hospital? Hmmmm. I sincerely wonder. . . despite the discomfort I have right now, I really want a snack. PREGNANCY SNACK TIME! =] Ahaha. No really. I want some chips. =[
After having the date of Lionel’s arrival changed since the last ultrasound, we now are unsure what are due date. I don’t know why I am so annoyed by this because due dates aren’t accurate anyways! They can vary by two weeks ahead of the due date estimated or two weeks after but now we are teetering between two dates which are Nov. 26 (Ultrasound) and Dec 9 (Last Menstrual Cycle) which may not be a big difference to some but to me that’s a huge variation. So basically he may decide to arrive anywhere between the third week of November or the fourth week of December… which means I better be prepared! So it’ll be a surprise when he decides to pop out. It’s just plain out frustrating! I notice I like to type with a lot of exclamation marks. I still need to put a bit of finishing touches on his baby wall, which I will now call it but I feel too lazy to do so tonight. Maybe tomorrow I feel like being creative again but for now, it will remain as it shall.
My sphere of a belly is round and why does everyone keep telling me it looks small when I have gained like 50 lbs? I am practically a Walrus. To make matters worst I had to take my license picture over for renewing it which is so unfair since I am overweight at the moment. HELLO, DMV im pregnant! Not to mention the new California ID features an extreme closeup of your face, so my plump face will now adorn my driver’s license for another 5 years, woot woot, NOT. Thanks alot.
Yesterday I thought maybe Leo would come sooner because I was feeling horrible, my stomach was aching like something terrible was spawning inside. I think I have become the master of complaining! So don’t expect this to be a cheerful blog at any means. I felt strong pressure on my pelvic bone or somewhere in that area, I not really medically literate so I am not sure of the correct term … lets just say my privates were hurting. Then further into the evening , the upper-left of my back started to have a very sharp pain that would not allow me to tolerate to lay down for a long period. Shifting positions was excruciating but I was determined to find a comfortable spot, I finally managed to drift off into sleep but I awoke several times because of the pain. I really didn’t have clue what was going on maybe it was just a very long drawn out stomach ache but today I woke up free of any pain. It reassured me that all was well when I felt Leo kicking normally, but gee, am i going to be on a hell of a ride when labor sets in for me. I can imagine crying and panic and a bit of yelling! I am getting so scared now, you don’t even know…. its like part of me is ready but the other part is isn’t.
RANDOMness: (things you may or may not care about)
Okay im tired of typing nonsense now & back to reading! aka geek mode.
I downloaded a bunch of pregnancy magazines and few new baby books but my NookColor has no batteries. =[
This is the second NookColor charger that I’ve broken and I’ve just recently ordered a new one but it still has not arrived in the mail. I’ve been so anxious to receive it since the beginning of this week because my eBay said the estimated arrival date would be on Monday or Tuesday but I guess that’s why it’s called an estimate… I also downloaded nearly 110 books to read based on reviews on barnes and noble or amazon but they’re just sitting pretty on my computer’s hard-drive. I could read them on my computer but I really don’t like to, I prefer reading them on my NC, except for the magazines because they look better on a larger display. I realize I am addicted to reading, which is so geek status! I really just want my charger to arrive so I can read in peace, finally! The NookColor is my favorite gift from Alberto that he has gotten me <3, I freaking loveeee it to death and from the moment it arrived in my possession at a Barnes and Noble store on Valentines day. So it’s practically the best gift I ever gotten so far from anyone! I really don’t know why more people don’t own one… maybe because they’re not a nerd like me that likes to read. I am sure I got my love for reading from my parents, who enforced reading outside of school assigned readings at an early age. I remember my dad giving me a hefty chapter book about pirates that was 600 pages long and I had to write summaries and note down any words that I did not understand. My mom also liked to read although she hardly had the time to do so, so she frequently bought books for me from those scholastic book catalogs that they always send home with kids when they are in elementary school. They just always pushed us to read because they thought it made you smarter. I don’t know that if that was necessarily true, I am not at all that smart. Although it did help out when it came to writing essays, for example, sentence structure and vocabulary. I think reading is a great activity for kids to help learn new information and be more creative. Hopefully, Leo will also learn to love to read but maybe not as much as I do. It will be a moment to remember when we read his first book to him. =D
Today I went to Target to add a few items to the baby registry, and I noticed they don’t have a very large baby selection. There were a few cute items here and there but I just wished there was a much larger variety of items. I found a decently priced breast pump which looks totally awkward to use for me, but it was the cheapest one they have as the other brands were insanely expensive. All the baby clothes they had were also very cheesy but at least I got to scan in some cute playsets and jumpers for Leo. My mom was there with me to “help” out but I realized that we had completely opposing tastes. Many times we did not agree on the pattern or some other little miniscule detail, which was annoying at times but hey, I got to deal with it. We definitely were not made to agree, JK. Plus she has this weird notion on the color brown, which I found to be completely absurd! She said that brown makes everyone look ugly and didn’t want me to scan any clothing items that were brown. Alot of those brown clothes were so cute too, she would still pick the uglier version of an outfit rather than the 10x more cuter outfit in brown. It was just plain strange to me but I just laughed it off and scanned away! Whew was I tired after that! I still have to add a few more things to the registry and cut out some items but I’ll save that for a later day.
[[THINGS I’M PRETTY MUCH STILL CLUELESS ON! or worried about.]]
–Um I watched an educational breastfeeding video and it looks like magic how they get that much boobage into a baby’s mouth without it hurting. I am sorry but being a first timer I find breastfeeding so strange and an impossible feat! How do women do it without feeling weird?
–I am afraid that I won’t be able to notice that I am labor or rather that I will go too soon. I don’t want to be frantically rushing to the hospital and worrying everyone around for a false alarm.
–Will I be shocked during delivery? Will I be able to be bond with my baby fresh after delivery? Will I indeed pass out from the mere idea of someone being pushed out of my vagina? How will I react, what if I am nervously laughing or crying the whole time!!!
–How can I stay under control, I get scared pretty easily and giving birth sounds like a whole lot of scary to me.
–What if he’s a she? I might be convinced something went wrong and they switched babies by accident somehow.
–I still don’t think a baby fits down there and you can’t convince me otherwise until I experience it myself.
–Will my boobs stay this big? Because then I can actually have some without plastic surgery.
–I don;t know how I will react when milk starts leaking you know where….
–What if my baby doesn’t like me when he comes out.
Turns out I really like making custom (cheap) decorations for adorning Leo’s Wall! I haven’t made anything intricate, just items that are super simple to create. Today for example, I decided to make something on a bit of an impulse and I ended up making cute little “picture frames” for baby snapshots from 1 month to 12 months. I did spy something similar to this on some website, it might have been on etsy.com but I’m not sure. Anyways, this is a far more simple version that definitely does not cost a lot to fabricate. All it takes is some printing, some dollar store finds, scissors, index cards and some patience. This took me around 2hours to make, the tedious part was cutting out the labels and tying the ribbons but the end result was worth it! Now I just have to fill in those blank Polaroids with some themed pictures, which will be the hard & cute part! +
+some other stuff =
We also managed to order most of the stuff for decorating for the baby which will be so exciting to put together. So far ordered the paper laterns in a multitude of coordinating colors, and his smila star lamp, printed out cute baby letters to be mounted on the wall instead of wooden letterns, and made some artsy quote prints to put into frames!
The image came out very grainy and pixelated because I just took a snapshot of my screen. The art prints I will post up when I am finished with the whole shebang of decorating! =] What else can I make now?? Hmmm.
Mr. Lionel is becoming increasingly strong and active! He wakes me up in the morning with his tummy moving kicks or jabs, it feels like he is trying to punch his way out of my belly! I think he’ll be ready to come out when it comes around to the end of November =] or hopefully sooner! The sooner the better for me. I have a feeling he may be a hyper active child. I can’t wait to see what type of personality he’ll have, like if he’ll be a rowdy-cry-all-the-time-difficult-baby or a sleep-through-the-night-only-wake-me-up-to-feed-me-baby. I am beginning to get really confused about what the average size and weight of a newborn is suppose to be, but seeing as both his parents were chunky monkey babies, I would be suprised if he turned out a regular 6 lb bundle of joy. As long as he comes out healthy and strong, any size will be alright with me.
p.s. I WANT SOME SUSHI =[
Finally got my first official ultrasound from my clinic! Jeezes, it’s about time too! First of all… I’ve been especially moody lately because being pregnant is fun and all the first few months but it’s not a walk in the park anymore. My little Leo is actually due earlier than I what was originally estimated! Instead of being a December baby he will be a Thanksgiving baby, hopefully not literally on Turkey Day but in around Nov. 26 which I am so excited for. It was a pleasant surprise since I had hope he would be due sooner. The only thing though is that the two week difference from the initial due date makes it feel like his D-day is just around the corner. I am becoming increasingly anxious to have everything ready for his arrival, that I am just plain worried. It is hard to believe that I am already 7 months and all of the thoughts running through my mind are about how he may look like, preparing his “nursery”, obtaining all the baby gear needed, and getting lots of adorable baby clothes. I hope that I am ready when he is ready to pop on out into the world.
His nursery is still a work in progress but so far we’ve managed to get his crib set but its nothing fancy.My little “butternut squash” will be comfy in his baby looney crib set I hope. I love the colors on it, its so cuteeeee.
1. Smila Lamp from Ikea
2. Paper lanterns
3. Wooden Letters
It’s still a work in progress obviously! So much to do in so little time! x]
I just had a visit to my doctor yesterday and learned that I seriously am overweight! I was shocked when I got on the scale and saw what I weighed and my doctor pretty much confirmed that I gained wayyyy too much. =[
I was just beginning to get use to my plump self and now I am just depressed that I let myself go by a gazillion lbs! I have always been sensitive about my weight so this was a huge blow to me. So I was lying down waiting for him to measure my fundal height and he tells me that the measurements keep on coming up higher than expected. My smart comment was that I was probably eating beyond the needed amount. He then proceeded to check my charts and informed me that I gained 12 lbs in the last month alone! He told me that I am not allowed to eat anymore fast food or greasy foods and to stick with proteins, fruits, and vegetables. You’re ideally suppose to gain a lb a week so I was shocked. I had gained triple times what I was suppose to.
Now I am concerned that I will ever get back to the size I was before I had gotten pregnant. I have a drawer full of clothes that I may never ever be to be fit again in my life. I can’t prevent the inevitable weight gain of the last three months either so I won’t be surprised if I manage to gain another 10lbs. Eating healthy is incredibly hard when you just want to get whatever it is you’re craving. Besides you’re going through all this discomfort and sacrificing your body, you start to kind of feel like you deserve any foods you wish for. I was so blinded by my unhealthy cravings that I let my weight and well-being go to the way side.
I have to start eating right because my doctor threatened to send me to a dietician if my weight keeps rapidly increasing and that it is extremely important to be more active. This worries me that my baby will come out overweight or that he wont be able to fit and I might have to get a C-section. This is stressing me overtime. I’m trying to get over this but I have always been so self-conscious it’s difficult.
I finally got back to making another set of onesies! With the help of my BF. They look so much nicer on colored onesies than the white ones because the colors of the transfers stand out. They actually take a significant amount of time to prepare for printing and transfer since cutting out the tiny details can become time consuming.
Its been so long since I’ve updated this blog! This is mainly because my prenatal visits have ceased to exist and I am not having any complications besides the usual discomforts. I finally was able to clear my previous insurance off of my record and schedule an appointment on Sept 7, when I will probably be scheduled for a few more tests. Ek! More blood tests….great.
I have to admit something right here and now! For the majority of time during my pregnancy I had dreams of having a little sweet baby girl. In fact, I had several or more dreams where a baby girl would appear to me and they occurred even after I had my ultrasound done. The obvious reason behind these vivid dreams of ” the future” was that I was deeply vying for a girl. I knew I had to prepare myself for news of a boy or a girl so that it wouldn’t be so shocking when I found out. To tell you the truth I was a bit disappointed when the technician revealed to us that the baby growing inside of me was a boy. My emotions were changed for the bettter in the minutes to come when we would watch him tossing and turning. Even though I had initially wished for a girl, a healthy boy is a blessing all the same and I knew I would love my baby despite the gender. To my surprise, many expectant parents have gone through the same emotions I have and they all the same thing: that when you’re baby is brought into this world, you will forget about your expectations and love your baby unconditionally no matter the gender, flaws and all. (Yup, I look up almost everything and anything on Google.)
Now, sometimes I daydream about a little chocolate-haired boy stumbling around in his diapers with cute chubby legs and it is an inviting change to my “girl” dreams. I’m always conjuring up possible gene combinations for his appearance, trying to visualize what he could possible look like. I’m just curious as to if he’ll come out looking predominantly Asian or Hispanic or quite possibly a mixture of both. The anticipation is killing me, furthermore, I can’t wait for his first laugh or smile!